Oh dear...

Hello, My Love,

     I know I haven't written in a while... I've been a kind of zombie haze over the past 2 weeks for some reason. I think all of the fun had in October made the bore of November that much more stark in comparison. While things are looking up in fairness (regarding  your estate) for all our kids, I am in a rut. I need MY mechanic now more than ever... and just need you.
     Everything that could go wrong with my car has... amongst other things with your remaining vehicles. Having to rely on the kindness & generosity of your mechanic friends has begun to wear on me. I'm constantly concerned about money, and not wanting to "pester" your friends for help... and everything seems to be going wrong at once.
     The burdens of this house have become too much for me to bear. I should be packing, and repairing things... cleaning it up since I've found out I'll be losing it sooner than later now with the impending short sale. I have no clue where I'll go, or what I'll do. It's all just too much for me to think about or be bothered with.
     There's a guy that likes me, and I went on a date with him. It was a dud... and now he wants to see me again. I'm not excited about it & really would just rather not. He's sweet, smart & MUCH younger than me... but I'm just not "feeling it". I should take advantage, since I have no one else. But, I won't... I've lost interest for the most part. Nobody compares to you... I doubt anyone ever will. But the loneliness really SUCKS.
     The holidays are nearing. I am thankful your mom called to invite us over for Thanksgiving. I was worried I'd have to start a new tradition. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are still up in the air. Nobody has money to come down here (aside from my mom), and my car won't make it up there. :( Anyways... they're gonna suck. I'll try to make them NOT suck for the kids' sake.
     I don't have much else to report or say. This was our planned wedding time... shack time... hunting time. I'm doing none of those things, as much as I'd love to, but they've been weighing heavily on my mind since November began. NOBODY went to the shack this year, and I can't go alone... not that my car would make it. I wanted to spread some ashes there, and just relax & reflect. Maybe later... </3

Much Love,
~Lisa