Sometimes

Sometimes, I think it's better if I don't think of you. Other times, I need a little reminder of what "having it made" means. Sometimes, I get in a mood... the kind of mood you would have loved. Tonight, I was in one of these moods... and simultaneously went looking through photos. I'm not sure if it was a good idea, or a bad one. I remembered the things we did together behind closed doors. I remember how sexy I always thought you were. And then I cried. We always had that chemistry. Yeah, I see guys I think are hot, but it's not the same. You always looked at me with longing, loving eyes, regardless of how shitty I looked on any given day. I see couples fighting & drama, and think how glad I am that we never had that... and dread future relationships in fear of that drama. You set the bar. But, when I looked at your photos tonight, I wished that there were more of US. And I think of how unfair it is that whatever forces took you from me. You were my world. I feel lost. I can look at other guys, talk to other guys, make plans with other guys, but I never follow through because I am scared... and I feel like it's "cheating". :( I just want you back. I know that is unrealistic, but can't you come to me in my dreams? Or haunt me as a ghost? ANYTHING. I need answers... and closure. How will I ever look at anyone like I looked at you? And even more puzzling, how will ANY person look at me like you? PLEASE... everyone knows I'm a skeptic, but I want more than anything right now to believe. People say you are here with me... why can't I feel you? </3 Have you moved on to better things? Or are you simply gone? Is all I'll ever have is memories? Are memories enough?

Yours Forever,
~Lisa